I know I haven't written in a while, but I decided I go ahead and post something quickly. I have a test in a couple of hours, which I haven't finished studying for (wish me luck!).
Well, it seems that this month is full of birthdays, at least in my circle of friends. I've been so busy just making all these birthday parties, it's kind of exhausting. One of my friends had a pretty big party a few weeks ago at some bar. I actually knew almost everybody there (we're talking about over 100 people). I decided to invite a closeted gay friend of mine, and one of his friends. I was a little worried we would all get a too tipsy and reveal something that would make us uncomfortable in the future. Well, we all got VERY tipsy (thanks to tequila.... really... that drink should be illegal!) but thank G-d nothing crazy happened, except that my gay friend was sort of hitting on my cousin, but not in an overtly obvious way.
One of my other gay friends also had two birthday parties: One for the straights, and one for the gays. I got invited to both... aren't I special! =) I meant to go to the straight party, but couldn't make it in the end, so I had to show up to his gay party. I found out that only 13 people showed up to his first party. At his second party, only me and another guy showed up. I felt kind of bad for him, but we had fun anyway. We went ice skating, which I do not know how to do at all.
The other bday party I went to was someone who I don't even know that well, but I'm friends with the host of the party, so I decided to show up because I wanted her to show up to my party, which was coming up. It was a LAME party full of people I've seen before but never had any interest in speaking to because I thought they were kinda odd. I tried talking and making friends, but felt so uncomfortable that I immediately left after like an hour. That was a LONG hour.
Finally, came my party (well, me and my brother's bday party since our bdays fall so close together). We had about 50-60 people show up. It's not THAT many people, but everyone I wanted to show up did, and we had a GREAT time. I met new people, drank with friends, danced with others. There was even a serial butt pincher who pinched me. I kind of felt violated at first, but that quickly turned into flattery. =D
At first I was hoping to perhaps meet someone at my party, but decided this was a night dedicated only to having fun. It's bad when you have expectations to find someone at these parties, because it makes you have not such a great time in the end if you dont find that someone.
Anyway, that has been a great month so far. I also have vacation this week (President's Day Week). This weekend I'll be attending yet another birthday party, and then Purim is just around the corner.... I think I'll have to join AA next month!
Well, that's all for now. I ended up writing a lot more than I intended, and now I have less time to study! Wish me luck on my test! =)
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Thursday, February 8, 2007
Funeral =(
Today I attended a funeral of a friend who I was not really at all that close too. She was more of a friend by association. She was my close friend’s/ neighbor’s sister-in-law.
When I first moved into the Flatbush area, my brother would come over for Shabbos, and we would make it a point to hang out with our friends; a lot of the time she would be there. I actually liked it when she was there because she had a very unique personality; she was very sarcastic and playfully a little bitter, but in a funny way. After a few times that we hung out, she was diagnosed with cancer. That’s when I saw less and less of her as the months went by. We would get updates from her sister. Sometimes she was doing very badly, other times she was doing much better. Just a few months ago, we received the news that she was making a lot of progress, and was doing very well. I was wondering when I’d see her next.
Just this week, I got news that she was back in the hospital, and that she was not at all well. Last night a friend called my brother telling him that she may not make it through the night. For some reason I didn’t really believe the news. I mean it did hit me, but after a little while I assured myself for some reason that she would make it. This morning as I got into work, I received a phone call from my brother that her funeral would be today. The news hit me really hard. I was actually tearing up as soon as I hung up the phone. I was tearing up even more at the actual funeral, as I heard the whimpers of her sisters and her mother, as her body was being lowered into the ground.
I don’t know why I was saddened as much as I was. I wasn’t even close to her. Maybe it’s the fact that she was so young, and had so much promise. It’s also just horrible to see any family mourn the loss of a loved one. When things like this happen, it really gets you thinking and puts a lot of things into perspective. I guess death is what makes life so important (I heard that on tv somewhere).
When I first moved into the Flatbush area, my brother would come over for Shabbos, and we would make it a point to hang out with our friends; a lot of the time she would be there. I actually liked it when she was there because she had a very unique personality; she was very sarcastic and playfully a little bitter, but in a funny way. After a few times that we hung out, she was diagnosed with cancer. That’s when I saw less and less of her as the months went by. We would get updates from her sister. Sometimes she was doing very badly, other times she was doing much better. Just a few months ago, we received the news that she was making a lot of progress, and was doing very well. I was wondering when I’d see her next.
Just this week, I got news that she was back in the hospital, and that she was not at all well. Last night a friend called my brother telling him that she may not make it through the night. For some reason I didn’t really believe the news. I mean it did hit me, but after a little while I assured myself for some reason that she would make it. This morning as I got into work, I received a phone call from my brother that her funeral would be today. The news hit me really hard. I was actually tearing up as soon as I hung up the phone. I was tearing up even more at the actual funeral, as I heard the whimpers of her sisters and her mother, as her body was being lowered into the ground.
I don’t know why I was saddened as much as I was. I wasn’t even close to her. Maybe it’s the fact that she was so young, and had so much promise. It’s also just horrible to see any family mourn the loss of a loved one. When things like this happen, it really gets you thinking and puts a lot of things into perspective. I guess death is what makes life so important (I heard that on tv somewhere).
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
I Love Shabbos
It's bearly Tuesday, and I'm already waiting for Shabbos to come in. I'm not such a huge fan of this whole weekday thing! I'm sure I'm not the only one.
I usually am exhausted by the end of the week, and feel too lazy to go to Manhattan to spend Shabbos with my brother. So I usually just eat the meals out by a friend, who lives in the neighborhood... it is soooooo convenient because his family LOVES me, and is even insulted if i don't show up for 2 weeks in a row. I love them ... almost as much as I love Shabbos! ;)
Last week, I sort of felt forced to hold Shabbos meals at my place, even though I did not at all feel up to it. My brother and 2 friends asked if they could come, and I couldn't say no since they've had me over several times for Shabbos. I ended up cooking for5 people (including me and my roomie). It wasn't that bad at all though, since we were invited out for Shabbos morning, even though it was a 45 minute walk out in the freeeezing cold. Overall, I had a great time. The inconvenience of having to cook was well worth it. I would rather have had them than not.
And by the way... yes, I made apricot chicken.... that is ALL I know how to make!
I usually am exhausted by the end of the week, and feel too lazy to go to Manhattan to spend Shabbos with my brother. So I usually just eat the meals out by a friend, who lives in the neighborhood... it is soooooo convenient because his family LOVES me, and is even insulted if i don't show up for 2 weeks in a row. I love them ... almost as much as I love Shabbos! ;)
Last week, I sort of felt forced to hold Shabbos meals at my place, even though I did not at all feel up to it. My brother and 2 friends asked if they could come, and I couldn't say no since they've had me over several times for Shabbos. I ended up cooking for5 people (including me and my roomie). It wasn't that bad at all though, since we were invited out for Shabbos morning, even though it was a 45 minute walk out in the freeeezing cold. Overall, I had a great time. The inconvenience of having to cook was well worth it. I would rather have had them than not.
And by the way... yes, I made apricot chicken.... that is ALL I know how to make!
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Hilarious Article: Bitter Jewish Divorce in Brooklyn
This is an article that my step-father found in USA Today. I just thought I'd share it since I thought it was hilarious. It looks like something straight out of a movie! It's a MUST read! =)
http://www.usatoday.com/news/offbeat/2007-01-19-warofroses_x.htm?POE=click-refer
http://www.usatoday.com/news/offbeat/2007-01-19-warofroses_x.htm?POE=click-refer
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Panic!
I was just looking at my last post, and towards the end of it I was reminded of one of these crazy panicy moments, back in college.
Well, I went to the same college as my brother, and he and I had basically the same group of friends. These were all friends we grew up with and ones we made at college. Usually, on Shabbos, we would all get together for dinner- we're talking about 10 or more of us on a normal Shabbat.
One Shabbat, while we were in the middle of dinner, one of my friends was talking about how he had left his dorm room door open that day. When he got back, he saw some guy he doesn't really know at his computer. My brother quickly jumped into the conversation, and told me in front of EVERYBODY that he noticed that I too left my door open, and that when he walked in the other day, he turned on my computer screen and saw that there was gay porn on the browser. He continued to say that he scrolled down just to check if ANY of it was straight, and surely enough it wasn't.
My brother was convinced it was this crazy random guy. As soon as the words "gay porn" had left his mouth, I was in panic mode!! My heart skipped a beat, my hands started to sweat, and I was trying so hard to keep my hands from shaking under the table! Outside I was just trying to keep my cool, but inside I was yelling at the top of my lungs at my brother, "Don't say another word you IDIOT!!!!!........ Stop Talking!!!!" I think there was even a long pause after that. I think I ended up responding, "that's freaky!" - something stupid like that.
Anyway, thank G-d someone changed the subject after that. I really could not believe that my own brother didn't put two and two together, especially since that was like the 3rd or 4th time he had found gay porn on my computer. I just wish he had dealt with this with me individually, instead of at dinner when he had all of our friends' undivided attention.
................But hey..... looking back... it IS kinda funny. No?
Well, I went to the same college as my brother, and he and I had basically the same group of friends. These were all friends we grew up with and ones we made at college. Usually, on Shabbos, we would all get together for dinner- we're talking about 10 or more of us on a normal Shabbat.
One Shabbat, while we were in the middle of dinner, one of my friends was talking about how he had left his dorm room door open that day. When he got back, he saw some guy he doesn't really know at his computer. My brother quickly jumped into the conversation, and told me in front of EVERYBODY that he noticed that I too left my door open, and that when he walked in the other day, he turned on my computer screen and saw that there was gay porn on the browser. He continued to say that he scrolled down just to check if ANY of it was straight, and surely enough it wasn't.
My brother was convinced it was this crazy random guy. As soon as the words "gay porn" had left his mouth, I was in panic mode!! My heart skipped a beat, my hands started to sweat, and I was trying so hard to keep my hands from shaking under the table! Outside I was just trying to keep my cool, but inside I was yelling at the top of my lungs at my brother, "Don't say another word you IDIOT!!!!!........ Stop Talking!!!!" I think there was even a long pause after that. I think I ended up responding, "that's freaky!" - something stupid like that.
Anyway, thank G-d someone changed the subject after that. I really could not believe that my own brother didn't put two and two together, especially since that was like the 3rd or 4th time he had found gay porn on my computer. I just wish he had dealt with this with me individually, instead of at dinner when he had all of our friends' undivided attention.
................But hey..... looking back... it IS kinda funny. No?
Sunday, January 7, 2007
Leading a Double Life
I was reading an article the other day about why all kinds of people lead double lives, whether it's someone who hides being half black, someone who hides their religious background, or someone who hides their sexuality. Obviously some benefit is gained, or believed to be gained, by doing this. In the article, one guy was able to get ordained as a conservative rabbi, something he would not have been able to do had he not hidden the fact that he was gay. Another guy denied he was black since middle school because he saw how the white students at his school received more attention. These are just a couple of examples of people leading a double life merely to achieve ordinary ends.
I was definitely able to relate to this article, and maybe a lot more people can relate to it to some degree as well. What I gain most I think is acceptance. If I told my straight friends about me... sure most will still be friends with me, but most don't understand and/or can't relate, and would perhaps feel at least a little uneasy/uncomfortable around me at times. I think I will no longer be as close to some, probably because they will no longer think we are so much alike after all, or don't want to be associated with me as before. I simply do not want to be treated any differently as I am now.
It's not fun having to lie to most of my friends and family. I'm not just talking about hiding my sexuality; I'm talking about lying about where I'm going on a Saturday night, who I'm going with, how I know a certain someone, why I keep saying that I'm not ready to start dating seriously, etc... It's hard sometimes keeping all these lies straight, and one lie leads to another, and sometimes it starts getting a little hairy!
I was talking to my best friend's sister the other day about where I hung out last week. I had told this friend the name of a bar in The Village that doesn't even exist, because I know he wouldn't recognize it since he doesn't go out much. I definitely didn't want to give him the name to a gay club. His sister, on the other hand, knows basically all the bars/clubs in the city. She asked me which place I went to, in front of my friend. I gave her a different name - the first straight club that popped into my head, which is nowhere near the village. Luckily, my friend wasn't even paying attention, but if he was things could have got a little crazy.
There have been so many of these close-call situations in my life, too many! There have been times where I've almost had panic attacks!!!... and I never get those! Overall, I've become really good at coming up with stories to cover my tracks, but it's not something I'm proud of. Even though I think there is a positive purpose to this lying, I don't feel great about lying to my friends and family. I feel like I'm giving them a false sense of who I really am. But then again, I'm sure most will understand (I hope?).
I was definitely able to relate to this article, and maybe a lot more people can relate to it to some degree as well. What I gain most I think is acceptance. If I told my straight friends about me... sure most will still be friends with me, but most don't understand and/or can't relate, and would perhaps feel at least a little uneasy/uncomfortable around me at times. I think I will no longer be as close to some, probably because they will no longer think we are so much alike after all, or don't want to be associated with me as before. I simply do not want to be treated any differently as I am now.
It's not fun having to lie to most of my friends and family. I'm not just talking about hiding my sexuality; I'm talking about lying about where I'm going on a Saturday night, who I'm going with, how I know a certain someone, why I keep saying that I'm not ready to start dating seriously, etc... It's hard sometimes keeping all these lies straight, and one lie leads to another, and sometimes it starts getting a little hairy!
I was talking to my best friend's sister the other day about where I hung out last week. I had told this friend the name of a bar in The Village that doesn't even exist, because I know he wouldn't recognize it since he doesn't go out much. I definitely didn't want to give him the name to a gay club. His sister, on the other hand, knows basically all the bars/clubs in the city. She asked me which place I went to, in front of my friend. I gave her a different name - the first straight club that popped into my head, which is nowhere near the village. Luckily, my friend wasn't even paying attention, but if he was things could have got a little crazy.
There have been so many of these close-call situations in my life, too many! There have been times where I've almost had panic attacks!!!... and I never get those! Overall, I've become really good at coming up with stories to cover my tracks, but it's not something I'm proud of. Even though I think there is a positive purpose to this lying, I don't feel great about lying to my friends and family. I feel like I'm giving them a false sense of who I really am. But then again, I'm sure most will understand (I hope?).
Monday, January 1, 2007
Happy National Hangover Day!
I know New Years isn't really a holiday Jews are supposed to celebrate, but the best New Years parties are the Jewish parties! I went to a party last night with my brother and a few friends, and had tons of fun. I just had waaaaaay too much to drink. Let's just say I don't remember a large part of that night, and my brother has some embarassing pictures of me!!! .... Family.... gotta love 'em! It's okay, he's the one that had to take care of me! =D
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